Lessons Learned from Michael Bay's Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, a Michael Bay Film (directed by Michael Bay)

1) All evil doctors, whether they're robots or not, have german accents, for some inexplicable reason

2) Autobots are peace loving, good robots who take unbelievable glee in RIPPING THE FACES OFF OF THEIR ENEMIES

3) The girl transformer shares a unified consciousness, because all women think the same

4) Robots who get killed can always be resurrected, unless they're black

5) Robots don't have sex. They do, however, have genitals

6) It is the job of every military officer to follow the orders handed down by their Commander in Chief, unless the CiC is a Democrat

7) Being an illiterate stereotype of the lowest order ensures that you will get more screen time than any other non-human character

8) If a "hot" girl is trying to pick you up on your first few days of school, she's probably trying to kill you

9) It is completely possible to leave mid afternoon from California and arrive at mid afternoon somewhere on the east coast of the United States in the same day

10) It is completely possible to smuggle a living, technological alien on board an aircraft in the United States without being pulled aside by the TSA for questioning for about 30,000 hours

12) It is completely acceptable to teleport new companions halfway around the globe to the middle of the desert in a foreign country instantaneously and then LET THEM WALK THE REST OF THE WAY

12) John Turturro needs money

13) France=Mimes, Escargot and the Eiffel Tower, period. Any deviation of this will not be tolerated, and

14) Explosions trump everything, no matter how incomprehensible. If you feel like you're losing the audience, blow something up.